Getting to Know Myself Better.

I haven't wrote in sssssssssssssssssoooooooooooooo long!! We finally moved up in the world and have wifi now!So I can actually use my computer and not rely solely on my phone for my internet needs.

As I have mentioned in a couple of my Instagram / Facebook post my biggest new years resolution is to feel better about myself, inside and out. I found a list of questions on Pinterest. Questions to ask yourself to "Get to know yourself better". I wanted to write down my answers and share them. Even just reading through the list, I think it is a great way to help us learn to love ourselves more. And lets be honest, its easier to love others when we can love ourselves first. I hope you enjoy me getting to know myself better and maybe consider doing it for yourself!!

1-What are my strengths?

I pride myself on being able to lift heavy objects, and run far distances. However I know that is not what the question means! One of my biggest strengths in my life has always been my determination. I refuse to give up. Even when it is impossible and I don't get the end result I was looking for, I am not satisfied until I know I have done everything I possibly could.

I am willing to help anyone that needs me. I don'e keep score and refuse to do things for others because they didn't or wouldn't do it for me. I like to be the one that people know they can turn to when they need help.

2-What are my short term and long term goals?

Short term: I just want to be a good Mom. I want to raise my kids to be good people. And I want them to be confident and feel good about themselves.

Long term: One day I want to be able to do something that makes a difference. The people I met when Laynee was in the NICU had such a great impact on my life, and I hope to one day pay it forward and be able to do that for others. I would LOVE to be a NICU nurse, But I'm afrid my muscles are stronger then my brains!

3-Who matters the most to me?

MY FAMILY! All of them!! Of course My kids and my husband are at the top of my list. But I love all of my family so much. My parents and grandparents have been such amazing examples to me in my life. My siblings have so many great things going for them. And so do my cousins!! I'm pretty sure that someone in my family is going to be famous one day!

I married into an awesome family who is willing to help at the drop of a hat. I cant say enough how grateful I am for all of the help that they give us. Some of our favorite summer adventures are spent camping with them!

We also have some GREAT friends!! I never have to worry about them laughing at me and I can always count on them to laugh with me. They treat my children like they are their own 

 4-What am I ashamed of?

Now that I am an adult, I look back on some of the things I did as a teenager and want curl up and hide. I am so embarrassed for that poor girl who didn't realize how silly and dramatic she was being. 

5-What do I like to do for fun?

RUN! I LOVE RUNNING!! It is my favorite thing ever. I also love all things summer! Camping, swimming, boating, etc. But as long as I can just get out of the house a couple times a week, I'm not too picky about the activity. 

6-What new activities am I interested in or willing to try?

One day I will get the guts to run a full marathon. The thought of running two half marathons in one day, back to back, freaks me out! But I WILL do it one day. I have also always wanted to run a Ragnar and I would love to try Cross Fit!

7-What am I worried about?

I think my biggest worry is passing on my bad qualities to my children. I hate it when they do something negative that they learned from me.

8-What are my values, what do I believe in? 

(In a nutshell) I believe in God. I believe that all things are possible through Him. I believe there is life after death. I believe in repentance through the atonement. And I believe that as long as I am doing my best, I will be OK.  

 9-If I could have one wish, what would it be?

To make money not such an important part of live. Money is the rout of all evil.

10-Where do I feel safest?

HOME. Not just my home. My parents home, my in laws home, my grandparents home, you get the idea.

11-What or Who gives me comfort?

He will probably laugh at me and think I am just blowing smoke cause I don;t do it very often, but on really bad days I like to scoot really close to my husband put his arm around me and just sink into him.

12- If I wasn't afraid I would...?

Get a tattoo. I'm not even afraid of actually getting one, I just worry to much about what other people would think about it.

13-What is my proudest accomplishment?

I don't think I have ever been more proud of myself then I was after I ran my first half marathon. There were many times that I wasn't sure if I would actually be able to do it.

14-What is my biggest failure?

I'm not sure if you would call it a failure, but I have always regretted not going to college. I toy with the idea of going back quite often but I have been out of the game for so long I just don't know if I could do it.

15-Am I a night owl, or an early bird?

During the winter, neither. In the summer I am an early bird. I love waking up early and watching the dun rise while I am running. 

16-What do I like about my job/dislike? 

Well I have a full time mommy job. I love being able to be home with my kids all day long, but it is really hard for me to be home EVERY day. I have to get out and about a couple days a week at least!

17-What does my inner critic tell me?

You are overweight. You are never going to learn how to take care of your body properly.

18-What do I do to take care of myself?

Workout! I just love to get those endorphins going!

19-Am I an introvert or an extrovert?

Extrovert

20-What am I passionate about?

I'm not sure that I am really super passionate about anything. I would say working out again, but that is probably just more of an obsession!

21-What is my happiest memory?

When both of my kids were born

22-What do my dreams tell me?

I wish I knew. By the time I wake up in the morning I can never remember 90% of my dreams.

23-What is my favorite book? Movie? Band? Food? Color? Animal?

Book- Shell Siverstien poetry books

Movie- A Walk to Remember

Band- I literally just love music

Food- Its a tie between ice cream and french fries

Color- Coral

Animal- Elephant

24-What am I grateful for?

My life. We have been so blessed in our life. We have had amazing opportunities that have put us in a great place way earlier in life then I ever imagined. 

25-When I am feeling down I like to...?

Paint my fingernails. 

26- I know I'm stressed when...?

I cant walk through my house without finding something wrong that needs to be cleaned or fixed. Most of the time I am pretty chill when it comes to my kids messes. But when I get really stressed I just cant handle it!

I hope that you can do this for yourself and get to know yourself a little better. I certainly didn't answer some of these questions the way I thought I was going to. 

Inside Out!

Let's have story time. You  are getting ready for an event, somewhere you will be going where you are going to see people you haven't seen in a long time. You keep thinking about all of the people you are excited to see. You get your hair done, and it falls just right on the day of said event. You have been working out, and eating your vegetables. You finally fit into "THAT PAIR" of pants. Ladies we all have "THAT PAIR"! You feel HOT! You go to this event, have a great time catching up with everyone you wanted to see, taking pictures, posting them on Instagram and Facebook. The next day you sit down to reminisce and look back on all of the fun you had the night before. "Wait a minute!!", "Where did that extra chin come from?", "Is that what I really look like in 'THAT PAIR' of pants?" You spend the next week in sweatpants, eating all of the chocolate in sight! Why does how we perceive ourselves on the outside, have such an impact on how we feel on the inside?

When we get a compliment like,"You are so friendly.", or,"I just love how confident you are.", yeah it makes us feel good about ourselves. But not as good as "Your hair looks so good.", or,"You have lost a lot of weight!" I am just as guilty as the next woman for feeling this way. My husband tells me I am beautiful, or my butt looks good in my yoga pants, and I roll my eyes at him and laugh like he's making a joke. Then I get annoyed when he is upset at me for reacting this way. No matter how many days its been since I have been able to wash my hair, or what the scale says, he has always thought I was beautiful. Shame on me for brushing off his compliments. 

I often find myself wondering what people say about me when I am not around. Admit it, we all at some point in our lives have wanted to be a fly on the wall when we are brought up in a conversation. But do we REALLY want to know? Would it change how we feel about ourselves in a positive way? 

I enjoy a good "transformation" TV show. Biggest Looser, and Extreme Weight Loss are among my favorites. But its not the change in their appearance that I enjoy seeing the most, its seeing their attitudes change. Many of them find courage to do things they never would have done before, or to get out of a tough situation that they felt trapped in. I also love the perspective it gives me. I am guilty of judging someone off of their appearance, or their actions. As I have watched these people transform it has helped my perspective of people. When I see an overweight person running, I am ashamed to say, that at more then one time in my life I have had unkind thoughts about said person, or engaged in an unkind conversation about it afterward. But now I am able to look at someone like that and think,"Good for them!" I know first hand how hard it is to get into shape when you have been out of the game for so long. 

I often find myself comparing myself to others. Letting myself feel insecure around others that I feel are skinnier then me, or prettier then me. Even when I was pregnant I found myself feeling gross and insecure around "skinnier" people. Of course they were skinnier then me! I was growing a human inside of me! But today I was reminded that unbeknownst to me, I may be the smaller one that someone is comparing them self too. I was reminded this by someone who I think is an amazing, confident individual. As long as I have known her I have always thought of her as amazingly brave. She puts herself out there in situations that are really scary for most of us. And she does it with this amazing attitude! But like a lot of us, she lets the way she sees herself in a picture or in the mirror effect the way she feels on the inside. 

Having a daughter has made me more aware of all of these things. She is almost a year old, and already I am so worried about the way that she is going to perceive herself as she grows up. When people tell me that she looks exactly like me, I love it! But sadly, It also worries me. I never want her to feel bad about herself in any way. And I have felt bad about myself more then I would like. I am insecure about my big thighs. I worry that she will have my same thighs and feel the way that I have about mine. I always hoped that if I ever had a girl she would get her dads chicken legs, then she would be safe right!  Sadly I know that I can never prevent her from felling bad about herself. But I can give her an example to look to during those times when she is feeling down on herself. I hope that she will know that the way she looks is not as important as who she is. I hope that she can learn kindness, determination, and hard work from me. And that your actions are more important them your looks. 

These are just my random ramblings for the day, something I felt I needed to get off my chest. Maybe I needed to say it more then anyone needed to hear it. I hope those that I associate with often know how much I look up to them in many different ways. Not because of how they look(although I do think I have some pretty good looking friends!) But because they are brave, or kind, or friendly to everyone they are around. Everyone I know helps me be a better person every day, and be a better example to my children.