Inside Out!

Let's have story time. You  are getting ready for an event, somewhere you will be going where you are going to see people you haven't seen in a long time. You keep thinking about all of the people you are excited to see. You get your hair done, and it falls just right on the day of said event. You have been working out, and eating your vegetables. You finally fit into "THAT PAIR" of pants. Ladies we all have "THAT PAIR"! You feel HOT! You go to this event, have a great time catching up with everyone you wanted to see, taking pictures, posting them on Instagram and Facebook. The next day you sit down to reminisce and look back on all of the fun you had the night before. "Wait a minute!!", "Where did that extra chin come from?", "Is that what I really look like in 'THAT PAIR' of pants?" You spend the next week in sweatpants, eating all of the chocolate in sight! Why does how we perceive ourselves on the outside, have such an impact on how we feel on the inside?

When we get a compliment like,"You are so friendly.", or,"I just love how confident you are.", yeah it makes us feel good about ourselves. But not as good as "Your hair looks so good.", or,"You have lost a lot of weight!" I am just as guilty as the next woman for feeling this way. My husband tells me I am beautiful, or my butt looks good in my yoga pants, and I roll my eyes at him and laugh like he's making a joke. Then I get annoyed when he is upset at me for reacting this way. No matter how many days its been since I have been able to wash my hair, or what the scale says, he has always thought I was beautiful. Shame on me for brushing off his compliments. 

I often find myself wondering what people say about me when I am not around. Admit it, we all at some point in our lives have wanted to be a fly on the wall when we are brought up in a conversation. But do we REALLY want to know? Would it change how we feel about ourselves in a positive way? 

I enjoy a good "transformation" TV show. Biggest Looser, and Extreme Weight Loss are among my favorites. But its not the change in their appearance that I enjoy seeing the most, its seeing their attitudes change. Many of them find courage to do things they never would have done before, or to get out of a tough situation that they felt trapped in. I also love the perspective it gives me. I am guilty of judging someone off of their appearance, or their actions. As I have watched these people transform it has helped my perspective of people. When I see an overweight person running, I am ashamed to say, that at more then one time in my life I have had unkind thoughts about said person, or engaged in an unkind conversation about it afterward. But now I am able to look at someone like that and think,"Good for them!" I know first hand how hard it is to get into shape when you have been out of the game for so long. 

I often find myself comparing myself to others. Letting myself feel insecure around others that I feel are skinnier then me, or prettier then me. Even when I was pregnant I found myself feeling gross and insecure around "skinnier" people. Of course they were skinnier then me! I was growing a human inside of me! But today I was reminded that unbeknownst to me, I may be the smaller one that someone is comparing them self too. I was reminded this by someone who I think is an amazing, confident individual. As long as I have known her I have always thought of her as amazingly brave. She puts herself out there in situations that are really scary for most of us. And she does it with this amazing attitude! But like a lot of us, she lets the way she sees herself in a picture or in the mirror effect the way she feels on the inside. 

Having a daughter has made me more aware of all of these things. She is almost a year old, and already I am so worried about the way that she is going to perceive herself as she grows up. When people tell me that she looks exactly like me, I love it! But sadly, It also worries me. I never want her to feel bad about herself in any way. And I have felt bad about myself more then I would like. I am insecure about my big thighs. I worry that she will have my same thighs and feel the way that I have about mine. I always hoped that if I ever had a girl she would get her dads chicken legs, then she would be safe right!  Sadly I know that I can never prevent her from felling bad about herself. But I can give her an example to look to during those times when she is feeling down on herself. I hope that she will know that the way she looks is not as important as who she is. I hope that she can learn kindness, determination, and hard work from me. And that your actions are more important them your looks. 

These are just my random ramblings for the day, something I felt I needed to get off my chest. Maybe I needed to say it more then anyone needed to hear it. I hope those that I associate with often know how much I look up to them in many different ways. Not because of how they look(although I do think I have some pretty good looking friends!) But because they are brave, or kind, or friendly to everyone they are around. Everyone I know helps me be a better person every day, and be a better example to my children.